when i started out going crazy all over xiaogui, it was actually just because i thought he was really cute and funny. then i started watching a hell lot of youtube videos and linked from one to another. i chanced upon xiaogui's interviews and then i read his older blog posts and looked at his drawings.

and i realised that beneath all the funny antics and stuff, he knows what he is doing. he knows what he wants. he has a dream, he has an ambition and he is working really really hard towards it.

then i watched this episode of yu le bai fen bai that is actually a special edition about xiaozhu's journey in the entertainment industry. and i realised that he too put in so much hard work to achieve his dreams, for himself and for his parents, that it's rather hard to belief. i mean, it's like he's that clown every weekday at 5pm.

then i started asking myself, what's my ambition? yah i love physics, i wanna be an engineer? i don't even know what an engineer does. seriously. writing about film? i never saw that as a career. just an interest. for now maybe. i seriously dunno how long it will last.

it's like i dun even know what i'm studying for. frankly speaking, i'm not treating promos as a big deal. maybe it's the assurance i give myself (and many others give me to) that i will definitely be promoted. ok so maybe im still relatively more hardworking then many other people, but as compared to before, i feel like im on holiday (ok exaggeration). i don't even watch that much youtube during the holidays -.-

ahh i don't make sense.

but i believe everyone is worth something. no matter how minute, i believe each and every one of us exist for a reason. i will find my reason soon.

i hope.

p.s. now i don't think xiaogui is another cute guy, or xiaozhu is another entertainer, they are great people who fight for what they want. we should learn from them. it's just a bonus being cute.